Simply, not the Parent
My nephew Marcello is my BFF. He calls me Zia. We refer to any time we spend together as The Marcello and Zia Adventures! Knowing that you should have fun in life is just as important as any other life skill. You guessed it - I’m the 'cool Aunt', and I take fun very seriously.
I cannot remember a time that I thought about being a mother, or having kids. However, I grew up with close siblings and cousins, and family has always been my highest core value. I had a cool Aunt and my dad was considered the cool Uncle. Without us realizing it, they were not just making sure we had fun, but also teaching us to stick together and take care of one another. When Marcello was born, I was the first person that got to rub his cheeks and keep him calm, in the hospital. No one had to ask me, and I didn’t plan on waiting for an invitation - I was part of his village.
We have rolled down grassy hills together, had mud fights at the beach, climbed playground rope walls hanging on to each other, ate too much dessert, put up a tent inside the house for a sleepover, painted ourselves at the kids museum, and laughed til our cheeks hurt at the bouncy house park. I took him to his first birthday party invite and played in the kids zone with him, as the other parents watched. Sea world and legoland, annual ski trips, and Halloween costumes together, are just some of the things he can expect from his Zia.
I joke with the rest of the family that disciplining him isn’t my lane. I have to maintain my 'cool' reputation after all. But of course that only seems like the case to him.
Our relationship is unique and doesn’t look like it does with his parents, grandparents, or teachers. Yet, he trusts me unconditionally. He knows I will always take care of him and he is safe. He has told me things that he won’t tell his parent, but he needed to talk about. He can express a side of himself that he knows only I will get.
I don’t know what it’s like to be a birth mother. But, what I do know is that nothing could make me feel more special than loving him, and I certainly couldn’t take my responsibility as his Zia any more seriously.
Amanda M.