Riding Solo
Have you ever juggled groceries on both arms, while taking a call in your ear and unlocking your door at the same time to step inside your home? And just as you go to grab the ringing phone, it slips out of your hand and your groceries slide off onto the ground….along with your phone.
This is what single parenting is like. Constant juggling to keep up, where inevitably you’ll drop the ball.
From the moment I found out at the age of 19 that I was pregnant, I vowed to never “punish” my child with time away to focus on my needs (career, relationships, etc). Rather, I’d juggle them all and just not sleep- before I’d be looked down on by others and ask for help. My child would not suffer from having a young, single mother. There wasn’t a chance you could single him out as a tiny boy, legs crossed in a kindergarten reading circle and know he had one less parent at home.
That commitment stayed at the forefront of my mind and in every decision I made, for 21 years and counting. At times, I debated with myself on dropping this approach.
Here's what I learned from this mindset – It hindered me from asking for help for many years. Not only did I lose sleep, but I lost the opportunity to build a community for us in a way that would enrich our lives.
The reality is that it takes a village to raise our children!
When any parent (especially a single parent) opens the door to ask for help, they are not only extending their community – but they’re actually modeling so much more for their child or children. As an almost latch-key kid myself, there was a stigma surrounding the idea of reaching out for help. This was embedded in me, and it took many years to allow others in.
What changed this for me?
Moving cross country, suffering a catastrophic injury and living in a new state – all without family. How would my son get to school? How would I grocery shop? Cook meals? Clean? Get him to his activities?
I had no choice but to ask for help.
Inevitably what I learned was leaning into the village for help MADE me a better parent: single or not. I’ve given others the space to love my child (and now children). This has taught them lessons outside of mine and allows them to draw strength in knowing they can navigate this world more confidently.
- Theresa P