STEPPING INTO THE MOTHER ROLE
When I was growing up, I always envisioned I would be a Mother. My fondest memories are with my own Mother. My Father worked two jobs when I was young and for the better part of 8 years, it was just her and I. We cooked together, we played together, we cleaned together and we went everywhere together. I can remember having honest and real conversations with her. She was always very open and straightforward with me. No matter what the subject was. She was strict when she had to be and playful when she could be. She was my best friend and I wanted to be just like her when I became a Mother.
Most of my friends will tell you I’m a planner. I have been a number cruncher and planned things out since I was a little girl. And one of the ultimate goals I planned was to be a Mother. But, I had no idea that years later, I would fulfill that role in a different way. My name is Alee Torkas-Bowling and I am a Step Mother. I hold this duty with much pride and respect. It is a role that was built on trial and error because there is no Step Mother handbook. You have to learn to pick and choose your battles. You have to help mold the child in to a successful adult.
I’ve been a Step Mother to Rayen for twelve years and she’s fourteen now. I can tell you that becoming her “Bonus Mom” has been one of the best things that has happened to me. She said that she can’t remember her life without me and that makes me smile. I had to learn how to co-parent with my husband but it was easy because he always made me feel that I was her parent as well. He always included me in making decisions with her and for her. So, that really helped set the foundation for Rayen and I’s relationship. One of the things that I wanted to do with Rayen, is to make time for her and I to do things together. Whether it be going out together, working out, baking or crafting. I wanted us to have our own special moments. Because I want her to always remember that she is important to me, even when we are not together. It’s been fun watching her grow up. And it is rewarding when she comes to me for advice or questions.
The one thing I’ve always taught her, is that blood doesn’t make you family. Family are the people that are there for you, who help support you, who accept you and who love you unconditionally. I want her to be proud that she has the extended family that she can count on. After all, that’s what matters most. So, I may not have the Mother role in which society labels it, but I have the Mother role that I was destined to be and I thank God for it every day.
-Alee T-B